I love witnessing your happiness. I revel in the joy your marriage and relationships bring you. I am never bitter or jealous about your happiness or love for your partner. I LOVE, love. But, that doesn’t mean I have to be waiting for it to “find me” or living my life in search of someone to love me and marry me. I know it may be hard for you to imagine ever being alone, not having your spouse there to love you and be your other half. I hope you never have to. I didn’t think I’d ever have to.
When I tell people I am okay with the fact that I may never get married again, they immediately try to reassure me and tell me that my person is out there. That they know I’ll find love and not to close myself off. Maybe it’s because you want me to have the love and happiness you have found in your marriages – and for those well wishes I thank you. But again, I am not less whole because I am without an “other half”.
Being single, isn’t something I’m sad about. I don’t feel like I’m missing out because I enjoy my own company 100% of the time. (Okay maybe like 98% of the time because I am neuro-divergent and struggle with depression & anxiety. But even “the one” can’t fix that so we’ll call it 100%). The biggest blessing that came out of my divorce was that I had learned during my separation that I was ENOUGH. Just me. I am a badass, strong, independent, self-sufficient and fun woman. I love going to movies I want to see. I love trying new restaurants just because they sound good. I love being able to book a random trip for myself out of the blue. I love being in peace and quiet with myself just as much as I love being in a group of my loudest, best friends. My relationship with ME has never been better.
I welcome the idea that there is someone else out there that could love me as much as I love myself, if not more. But until someone comes into my life who I love spending time with just as much as I love spending time alone; someone who adds to my life in more ways than their presence takes away from my quality me time- I am in no rush to give up excessive amounts of time and space for the chance of maybe.
My standards of what I want in a partner and how I wish to be courted and cared for have changed since I learned how to love myself fully. You may think I’m being too “picky” or “unrealistic” but that’s the point I’m trying to make. I don’t NEED someone in my life to make me happy. I already am happy. So, if someone wants to be a part of my life for the long haul, they better be pretty damn amazing (which is how you see your spouses right)?
I’m not willing to settle for less than I deserve and because of that, I have come to peace with the idea that there may not be someone out there who will be willing to meet me where I am at, take the time to court me, show me who they really are and constantly show up like I deserve. But if I’m meant to live the rest of my life unmarried (only God knows), then at least I know I’ll still be happy in my own company.
So, let’s support each other in our unique places of happiness – married or not.
Cheers to your happiness & mine.
--Love your happily single friend.